Shared Shattered Pieces
by Scottea
Summary: An attack on one has the seven think of how they fit together to form the team they are, how they see and relate to one another and how they contemplate the loss of one of the pieces.
1. Chapter 1

An almost palpable feeling of euphonic relief seemed to sweep through him and envelop him as Captain James T Kirk heard the verdict. Cleared of all charges and praised for having such a well trained, dedicated, and disciplined crew. The Wacairn representative had also thanked him for helping them find the leader of the radical group that had caused so much trouble on Wacairn with regard to it joining the Federation.

For the duration of the meeting after the hearing he had gone through the motions of accepting the thanks and praise. He just went through the motions as he could not shake the cauldron of emotions that seemed to be swirling about him mentally and physically. A deep uncertainty and fear bordering on dread quickly replaced the euphoria. All there had seen and heard what took place on the bridge between . . .

No, it had not been between just him and Spock, it had been his insistence that it be put on ship-wide. They had seen and heard that outburst he had had on the bridge with Spock and while the Wacairns believed it most of the upper echelon had praised him and asked him to thank his First Officer when he returned to the ship as they believed it to be another of their infamous tactics to get to the truth of a situation. How he wished it had been that. At the time he had meant every word he had all but spat at Spock. They had believed what they had seen and heard because at that moment it had been real and honest, at least to him.

At that time it had been real as he had not been aware of how one of the Warcairn delegation was controlling him. McCoy had found nothing at the time yet Spock had believed there was something affecting him and he had agreed with McCoy, even telling Spock he was no medical doctor.

On the bridge, in front of the crew and the Wacairn delegation, he had, had. No. He gave his head a slight shake. Later for that. He would get through this series of meetings and then he would find Spock as it was unusual for the Vulcan to have just gone the way he had. On the few times before when they had had words similar to what had happened he remembered how Spock had stayed in contact. This time there had been nothing. Total silence.

He also remembered how McCoy had agreed with Spock on there being an outside influence but McCoy could find nothing and he had used that as ammunition to question Spock. How sure he was that Spock would know it had been a very human emotional flare as it had been Spock who had guided the others in finding the guilty and preventing a major catastrophe in space-dock. Spock had guided them but not contacted him. No contact for the four days of the hearing.

Again he scanned the throng of people and realized not only had the bridge crew, who had testified and delivered their findings, left but also Sarek, who had spoken on his behalf, had also left. He did not want to admit it, even to himself, but he felt more alone in the crowded hall than he could remember ever feeling. There was also an unusually unsettling feeling that something was missing. There was an uneasy emptiness, a strange aloneness deep inside him.

Although he had wanted to deny it he was certain it had started in that closed session with the most senior officers at Command and the representatives from Wacairn when they showed how he had reacted to Spock, when all there heard what he had said to Spock. It had started when Spock had looked at him, really looked at him, into him, then said "As you wish, Captain.", looked at him for a few seconds longer then turned and walked away, pausing only briefly at the turbo lift to turn and give him the familiar Vulcan salute but had said nothing.

As he took a long slow breath he momentarily closed his eyes and took another long slow breath. Yes. Yes, it had been then that that odd emptiness, that unease had started. There had been something, something different, almost frightening in the way Spock had looked at him, into him, at that moment. It had been then that he had, at some low level of consciousness, been aware of a slowly growing unease, a feeling of aloneness, of emptiness. There had also been something unusual about Spock's posture, the way he moved. He heard how Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, and Bones, in their testimonies, had said how what they had done had been Spock's idea. He kept hearing them say that Spock had told them how to get the proof that " _the Captain is in a mental state where he is not behaving as himself and is clearly under the influence of some unknown external factor_ ". He kept seeing that look about Spock's eyes as he turned to leave, a look he had never seen on Spock before yet a look he knew. It was, he realized now, the look of somebody being emotionally shattered.

At the hearing the Wacairn security guards had been praised for unceremoniously preventing the conspirator who had been aboard the Enterprise from committing suicide after the plan to make the Enterprise a bomb had failed. The guards apologized for not acting fast enough to prevent her from making contact with the others in the group who were at Command.

At the hearing he had been praised for his actions and comments were made about what a fine example of a bridge crew that worked well together. The panel had praised his bridge crew for their actions in finding the proof as to who was behind the attempt and why he had been acting as he had.

As he looked around and realized they clearly had all left after giving their statements. He stood still for a moment as he suddenly wondered if they were still his bridge crew. They had heard and seen how he had treated Spock and yet had done their parts to prove his position.

One by one they had given their findings with Sulu finding traces of a rare Wacaiarn herb that was known to have an effect on the human brain, Uhura had used an adhesive at her station to get microscopic items from when the aides had placed their hands on the counter by it when she had reluctantly switched his comments to ship-wide, from Chekov's voice it was clear he had found a drink that loosened tongues, Scotty the remembering the unusual code to release the munitions Spock had locked, and McCoy's tests of his quarters revealing traces of the hallucinogenic. Each of them said their actions had been instigated by Spock making a suggestion as he left the ship.

That thought made him pause. Spock had seen the others before he left the ship but not him. He had locked all weapons and, before he beamed off the ship, had given Scotty the code to use only if something should happen where the weapons were needed to defend the ship, told Scotty not to release the lock-down till after a manual check of all access points, and vanished. No contact with anybody on the ship.

How Spock had seen the others had puzzled him for a moment till he remembered how each of them had, for a short period of time, individually left the bridge and returned a few minutes later. One at a time the five had left the bridge and returned. Returned to their posts and had been oddly distant. Scotty had been the last the see him, Scotty who had beamed him off the ship.

It had been Spock's refusal to release the weapons so he could show the Wacairns their capabilities that had so enraged him. He could not see any reason not to show their guests what his ship could do. The aide admitted it was the intention of the group she was a part of to cause the Enterprise to fire all weapons just as they entered the main docking facility at Command and, to turn the ship into a bomb. As the aide was lead away she stopped, looked at him, smiled, and said, "We may not have succeeded but you lost as well, Kirk. Later you will find **you** have lost so much more than we did."

Finally he was told he could return to the Enterprise and await new orders after the Enterprise had finished a thorough re-fit, check and clean. It had struck him as rather odd that they said they would see him again in a few days to finalize a substantial crew rotation and discuss new orders. Substantial crew rotation? He had been unaware of any planned major crew rotation and there had been something in the way they had said it had made him a bit uneasy. He knew that the crew had heard that tirade, those words, words that he had no real excuse to ever use or say as he had, that there was no way to apologize to them for what he said, and that he should expect some officers not to want to serve on the Enterprise now. And for him to have said them to Spock was totally unpardonable and unforgivable.

As he started to leave the hearing room Sarek walked over to him, "If I may I will speak freely with you **now** , Kirk."

"Of course, Sir." In silence he followed the Vulcan ambassador to a small room.

As Sarek looked at him Kirk wondered what the man must be feeling after seeing how he had spoken to his son, after hearing the words he had said to him. "My son would be pleased to know of this satisfactory result. You were his captain and his friend. It is, therefore, only logical that he did what he did to protect not only Star Fleet but more importantly you. In time he would have been able to fully explain your actions and words to me. It is possible that at some level he would understand and would have been able to explain it to me. I have ensured that his mother will not find out about your exact words to him until I have had the opportunity for fully explain the full situation to her."

The statement caught Kirk by surprise. Not once had he thought of them, of the others who were close to Spock. How would Amanda react if she heard and saw that recording? Saw and heard what he had said to Spock. It was bad enough that the crew had seen and heard it, to think of Amanda hearing it and seeing it was worse. Sarek had been looking at him and gave a slight nod as though knowing what he was thinking.

"I shall make arrangements for the other senior crew to see him. I thank you for the, the friendship you had with my son, for accepting him as he was, and for allowing him to fully develop as an individual. I also thank you for your time now. If you will excuse me I have matters that must be attended to. and," an aged hand formed a shape Kirk knew only too well, "may you live long and prosper, Captain James T. Kirk." and just as regally as he had approached the ambassador walked away.

When he materialized in the transporter room it was oddly reassuring to see Scotty at the controls and saw the stiff nod he gave and the unusual look he gave McCoy, the slight shake of his head. A private conversation was clearly going on as the two just looked at each other for a moment before Scotty handed McCoy what appeared to be a slip of paper, then nodded and turned back to looking at the controls.

As they walked McCoy looked at him and Kirk could tell there was a lot bothering his friend. Finally, as they approached the door to Spock's quarters, McCoy spoke, "We need to talk, Jim. We need to talk in private."

"I know, Bones. I know. I owe you all so much. I will discuss it all alter but right now I need to speak with,"

He stopped as they walked into Spock's quarters, only just mentally registering that McCoy had stayed by the closed door, and for a few seconds he could not believe this was Spock's quarters. It was empty of all trimmings.

Empty. No, not totally empty, it was a void. There was a feeling, a faint, cold, soulless emptiness. Momentarily he closed his eyes. It almost perfectly reflected that odd faint emptiness he had been feeling. There was nothing to show that this had been his quarters. Empty. Cold. Barren. Soulless. It was just the quarters expected for the second in command on a starship. Every trace of Spock was gone. His words came back to him, almost tauntingly.

Slowly he sat on the bed and looked up at McCoy. "I've, I've lost him, Bones. This time I went too far. This time I said things, things I should never, never have said. It, it was not me, it was what she made me think and feel. It was how he was looking at me as he said "As you wish, Captain.". Oh gawd, Bones, that said so much. That look said it all. You heard, hell, the whole ship heard, what I said as that, that woman made sure that Uhura had switched on ship-wide. For him to know that the whole crew heard," As the full realization of what he had done to Spock dawned on him he buried his head in his hands, "Ohgawd, I have lost him. After the crew hearing,"

In his mind he heard the words "substantial crew rotation". After hearing what he had said to Spock who would want to stay aboard? Hearing what he had said and how he had said it.

"Now Jim, we have to,"

Kirk held up his hand, stood up, and started pacing, "What we have to do, Bones, is first find him and then bring him back. We have to think where he would go, where he," Momentarily he stopped and looked at McCoy who saw the certainty about his friend's face as the hazel eyes slowly showed reason, "If he took all his things he would have to stay somewhere till Starfleet." Suddenly he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"What, Jim?"

"My, my report. In my report I stated he had been grossly insubordinate, defiantly refused a direct order without giving an explanation, and showed signs of hostility and resentment."

" **What?** Do you realize what you have done?" McCoy just looked at him. He had thought that Kirk would have waited till the mission was over but obviously whatever was affecting him had totally numbed his way of thinking over things before sending reports to Command. Only having known what the substance was that had been used on his friend made him feel the pain his friend was in and how much deeper that pain would soon be when he had to face the consequences of his actions.

"I know. You know how the higher echelon will look on that. Ohmigawd, Bones," when he turned to look at him McCoy saw the depth of agony his friend as he now realized what he had done, " I, I ruined his career as well. I, I not only ruined it but I also totally destroyed what we had."

There was a silence that McCoy could almost feel as he saw how Kirk bowed his head, closed his eyes and breathed through his mouth. As he watched he saw Jim Kirk shake his head, take a deep breath, and look at him, "I have to find him, Bones, I have to explain this all to him. First **I** **have to find him**. He wasn't at the hearing, he had clearly spoken with them and the others. He, he did all that to protect the ship and me after I acted like that. The others told me they had not seen or heard from him since he left the ship. They all said they could see that he was hurting and that only going into that Vulcan mode was enabling him to do what he was doing to get off the ship." Kirk closed his eyes and shook his head, "He went to each them, and I beelieve he saw you as well, to say farewell and tell you and them how best to help me, how to find out what was wrong."

Kirk stood as he thought how the others had, when he has asked them, said how Spock had appeared: Sulu had said shattered, Chekov had said exhausted, Scotty had shaken his head and said traumatized and crushed, and Uhura at looked right at him and said Spock was totally broken because of him. "I, I have to find him. He has not been in contact with the Vulcan Embassy and only gave the higher echelon of Command a very detailed oral and written report but oddly did not report in person which is not like him. He had confirmed the time of his debriefing. Nobody's seen him since he beamed off the ship."

For a moment there was silence and just looking at how Kirk was standing McCoy ached to reach out and tell him all would be well. He wanted to say that together, and with the help of the bridge crew, they could put things right but he could not, would not lie. He knew more than his friend did and knew it was his duty as his friend and Chief Medical Officer to tell him what he did not know. All he wanted was to go out and get blind drunk for at least a month.

"Jim, **you need to listen to me, you need to hear me**." McCoy was not sure just how to tell his friend and Captain what he had to tell him. When Kirk turned and looked at him there was a look about the hazel eyes that confirmed that his friend was not prepared for what he had to be told.

"You have to know that there," he hesitated and licked his suddenly dry lips, "there were more involved than Wacairns immediately found on the ship. You,"

Kirk held up his hand and nodded, "I know, Bones. I was told that they had found six of the Wacairn radicals, that they admitted what they had done, that they were a part of. They were very drunk when found and were saying that while they had been unable to get the code needed they had hurt Starfleet's flagship."

Even as he looked around the empty quarters Kirk half-smiled. "Once we get Spock back aboard they will see they did not hurt,"thee was a look about the blue eyes of his friend stopped him. There was pain there, a deep pain. 'What? What is it Bones?"

For a moment there was just silence as the unsaid filled the distance between them, a silence that chilled Kirk and made him sit down on the one chair behind the cleared desk. For a moment his lips moved but he said nothing. All he could do was look at what the blue eyes and expression were telling him, the weight McCoy had put on the words "more involved", what the barren quarters should have told him. That voice in that dream that night. How clearly he could have sworn he heard that beloved baritone saying, " _Forgive me my t'hyla. Live long and prosper, Jim_."

"Bones?" it was a prayer, a whisper, and an order.

McCoy's stance, the way he briefly wet his lips with the tip of his tongue, and how he rocked four times in his heels said more than when he said, "They hurt the ship, Jim. They hurt this ship by hurting, really hurting Spock. He was emotionally shattered when he left the ship after your tirade and their physical attack further shattered him as it is clear they were after some information."

It took him several seconds to realize his lips were moving but he could not get the words out, to be aware that the room's temperature had not dropped yet he felt cold, and that that abrupt start to the emptiness he had felt for several days was to do with Spock. "Some information." The code to access to the weapons.

He felt McCoy's hand on his shoulder and looked up to see pain yet understanding on the oh so familiar face, "Sarek has Vulcan healers in with him."

"Then, then he's," the hand on his shoulder forced Kirk to stop attempting to stand.

"His mind is beyond what they can do for him and while his body might heal,"

Now Sarek's words had meaning, the way he had said " _would have_ ". Past tense.

" **Don't!** Don't you say it, Bones." from somewhere deep inside him Jim Kirk found the momentum to move his body as his mind started to formulate and reject different possibilities. He stood and faced his friend, " **Don't you dare say it!** There has to be,"

"Jim, his mind is beyond recovery. What happened on the bridge shattered him and whatever that group waiting for him at Command did to him scattered the pieces. Now that blasted Vulcan hybrid body of his can and will go on but his mind," as Kirk watched McCoy closed his eyes, let out a long slow breath, then looked at him, into him, and clearly only just containing his rage, all but whispered, " **Dammit, Jim, his mind is just too damaged** , far too shattered because that pack **you sent him down to face alone** tried to get that damn code you wanted. They broke his body and finished shattering his brain, the brain that your words had already shattered enough."

Shattered. That was what Bones had said before, after what had happened the last time he had spoken to, No, not **to** to him he had spoken **at** Spock. That was how he had spoken at Spock just before Spock's last words to him on the bridge. That was what McCoy had told him he had done when Spock had left the ship. To have said what he had the way he had in front of so many who he knew Spock considered almost family would have. . . .

" **No! I won't accept tha** t, Bones! There has to be,"

"The healers and I have been over and over every known and a few new tests and the results are the same. Like I said, physically he will heal and most likely live a full life but he will be,"

" **I said no!** " Only the way the steady blue eyes kept looking at him after he had lurched to his feet as he slammed hie hand on the desk made his pause, shake his head, before he said, "I will not accept that, Doctor McCoy. You are a doctor,"

"Who has a patient he has to sign over to a facility that can take better care of the needs of that patient. As a doctor I must accept that, Captain."

" **Dammit, we are talking about Spock** , not just another patient. There must be,"

"Hell, Jim, **you think I don't know who we are talking about?** You think I haven't been trying everything I know, think I haven't infuriated the Vulcans with my being constantly asking what they would suggest, what we should try next? Think it did not almost kill me when the two leading healers and Sarek tried to get a link but all said there was too much damage, that his mind was far too shattered to form a link? They told me of the special facility where,"

" **NO!** Not a Vulcan special facility!"

"I have seen the facility, Jim. It is a good fit for him. They have the best there." Kirk started to interrupt but McCoy held up his hand, "I'm a doctor, Jim, not a damned miracle worker! I've seen the facility, talked with the staff, and knowing the patient, having seen his scans and readouts, I am sure that **if** anything of him is there it is buried so deep it cannot be detected or so, thanks to your and their actions, shattered there is no known way to put the pieces back together again, or" McCoy found himself suddenly employing a trick Spock had shown him years ago, while standing with his hands behind his back, to maintain control and smiled to himself and heard his inner voice say, " _Well I'll be damned, it worked_." then looked directly into the hazel eyes, "as Spock used to say there are always possibilities and a part of me wants to believe that there is a safe place in his mind we cannot detect where he is hiding. A place where there is no pain. A place of peace for him."

Silence filled the empty room and for a moment Kirk bowed his head as he knew McCoy was right. He had been the one to shatter Spock the way he had. All that had happened to Spock was because of him. Hell, he was the most celebrated of Star Fleet's star ship captains. He was their go-to person when there was any problem. Yet that was largely because of the ship he had and, more importantly the First Officer and friend he had found on the ship.

In the hazel eyes that looked at him when Kirk slowly raise his head he saw pain, loss, guilt, and an apology, "I am a doctor, Jim, who must think what is best for my patient. Now Spock is one of my closest friends and you have to know there is **nothing, nothing I would not do for him** , but also as his doctor at a time like this I have to. No, I must realistically think and do what is best for him, I have."

"And you think just leaving him with them is best for him? You know how,"

"I know his thoughts and opinions on Vulcan specialists. At the moment I believe that they are best for him **if** they can make a link into his mind. Should they not be able to make that link that I will know that," McCoy looked away from Kirk for a moment and took a deep breath then looked back into those hazel eyes, "he is too far within whatever is left of his mind to be reached."

"I, I won't release him from the ship. I,"

McCoy reached out and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and Kirk saw the pain about the blue eyes. Pain and understanding. Very softly McCoy said, "You must know that your outburst on the bridge is enough to establish that he has been released from the ship, Jim. If you recall you told him that as soon as you went to your quarters you would send a request for him to be transferred and give as your reason gross insubordination. Did you?"

"Yes, **but I was** ,"

"You had not been medically certified as unfit for command. If you recall in that tirade you were most exact about gross insubordination and said he would never be allowed back on your ship. The higher echelon will see that as his release from the ship."

Only the look in the blue eyes stopped him from screaming that his friend was wrong, that look seemed to reach into him and make him accept the truth of the words. Slowly he sat, bowed his head, and closed his eyes, "What have I done, Bones? What, " the fear and dawning of what had happened seem to seize him, "what have I," then the full realization of what had happened to him and to Spock because of him struck and he looked up at McCoy, "What have I done to him?"

"You really do not need me to answer that, do you, Jim? You saw that recording. Do you really need to see it again to know what you did?"

Slowly Kirk shook his head, momentarily closed his eyes then slowly stood, "I need to see Spock. I need to see him, Bones." even as he looked at his friend Kirk knew the truth, "Bones, I need, I need to see him and tell him the truth, I need,"

"You need to leave him, Jim. Leave him in the care of others now. Between what you mentally and emotionally did to him and what those who physically attacked him did he needs to be left alone. He needs time alone." McCoy was quiet for a moment as he studied his friend, as he saw in the hazel eyes the hell the man was going through as he realized what his words had done. For a moment he was torn but then sighed and finally said, "I believe your last order to him, the last words he heard you say to him, were to stay off the ship and to stay the hell out of your life as both the ship and you would be much better without him. Now **you have to stay out of his life**. If you really feel anything at all for him you will leave him alone."

Kirk was aware of shaking his he head and his mouth moving but he could think of no words.

There was a look of total loss and uncertainty with a deep personal hell in the eyes that looked up at him. As though it was a fragile egg shell McCoy placed a hand on Kirk's shoulder, "You need time alone, Jim. You need to go to your quarters and have that time alone. If I have to I will make it a medical order. I have duties to attend to off the ship and will stop by your quarters later to check on you. Just know he is being taken care of now."

Kirk did not remember walking to his quarters, it was a path he had walked so often that it was almost automatic. He walked to his desk and notified the bridge that he was only to be disturbed if it was a major emergency from Command then lay down on his bed trying to figure out what had happened. It was all a jumble, a jumble that had been caused by the Wacairn ambassador's second aide's careful and very judicious use of a Wacarirnian herbal inhalant drug with hypnotic side-effects. He was sure if it had not been for the efforts of those five important people who so often worked as a tem the truth of his being effected would not have been detected. They had again worked as a team to prove he was not responsible for his outburst and yet now it did not matter. It might have saved his career and his reputation but at too great a cost.

The five had been on the bridge during that tirade and had remained in their places and not tried to intervene. Usually at least one of them would have at least given him a look or coughed but they did nothing. They had been there and done nothing which was unusual. _"You saw that recording._ " McCoy had said, " _You saw that recording._ " _That recording._ Clearly there had been something he had missed.

Not wanting to but know he had to in order to answer so many questions he still had he went to his computer and found the recording of the hearing, slowly sat down, and, after a moment's hesitations, pressed the play button.

So clearly he saw them on the bridge. All five of them at their stations, McCoy there talking with Spock when he walked in with the delegation from Wacairn.

"I trust I am not speaking out of turn but I am sure we would be most interested in seeing your weapons range and display, Captain. We have long heard how well armed the Enterprise is yet how you, yourself, seem to be more skilled at using words than weapons." the second aide to the ambassador had spoken. "We have been told that the Enterprise is a vessel of peace but that is is equally a weapon of war. While we have seen the peace-making aspect it would be of interest to see its weaponry. Show it to me."

He halted to playback. There had been a change in the voice. Commanding and not friendly. What McCoy had said, when they had found the evidence he had been drugged, was the control, the trigger.

Calmly he continued watching. He watched as it showed how he had taken two steps toward Spock, "Please show our guests a display of our weaponry, Mister Spock."

Spock had seemed to study him for longer than usual then went to the panel and flicked a few switches before he turned and looked at him in that searching and questioning way only a few saw as not many had spent as much time around Vulcans or even half-Vulcans as he had. There had been that ever so slight change in Spock's posture as he looked back at him and said, "I will not do that, Captain."

Although it did not show he remembered how irritation unlike any he had experienced before had started to grow as he went to the panel and saw that Spock had locked the access to the whole of the weaponry controls. Twice he had entered the release code and got denied access. Fury had started to replace the irritation. He had taken two steps closer to Spock and said, "First Officer, I order you to immediately release the lock down you have on the weaponry control."

"I will not do that, Captain. While you are clearly not yourself and while we have those aboard and on the bridge who have no right to be on the bridge or to see our weaponry display. I will not endanger this crew, this ship, or Command by doing as you ordered, Sir."

He had taken two steps to close the distance between them and calmly said, "I am your senior officer and I am giving you a direct order to immediately release the lock down you have on the weaponry control."

"I acknowledge that you are my senior officer but I will not release the lock down I have implemented until we have arrived at Command for the reasons I have given, Sir."

"You do realize you are bordering on total insubordination? I will give you one more opportunity to release the lock down you have initiated."

"I am fully aware that my actions border on insubordination, Sir. I am also fully aware that, for at the moment unknown reasons, you are not yourself and unfit to be in command. I repeat that I will not release the lock-down I have initiated."

At the time he had been unaware of how his bridge crew had been while watching what was going on. He had only seen their reactions when the recording was shown at the hearing. They were all looking at him as though he were a stranger and he now saw himself as that as well. Spock had just stood there at attention and did not react at all. No reaction even when his fury was at its height and he had flared at the end. He could see them exchanging looks of total disbelief yet none of them moved or spoke.

As he watched he saw how he turned to Uhura and said, "Get me ship wide." and how, when she hesitated, the aide went over to the panel and flicked the switch. He saw himself unleash a wave of vile fury on Spock, actually slapping him, then stood clenching and unclenching his fist as he all but yelled at Spock, "You disloyal, disrespectful, dishonest, son-of-a-bitch! I am your commanding officer and you have deliberately repeatedly refused to obey a direct order and you have, in front of not only the command crew but also a guest delegation flagrantly questioned my fitness for command. My fitness for command. **My. Fitness, For. Command**. You're no doctor. What do you know about what it takes to command a ship let alone starship? You will never, never know command for as soon as I dismiss your from the bridge you are no longer a member of this crew and when we arrive at Command you will find your career in Star Fleet is finished and your reputation ruined. No-one on Vulcan will want to know you as you have disgraced them. You have disgraced a loyal and honest people by showing how disloyal you are. You must know at one time I believed you would do anything, **anything** for me and not just as an officer but also a friend. Your action just proved that you are not only a disloyal officer but that you were **never, never** really a friend at all. You once said that Vulcans do not have friends but acquaintances. Was I even that to you? Hell, with your mixed breeding do you even know what it is to be a friend? We are fifteen hours from Command at our current speed, you are to leave now by shuttle and will find on your arrival there in ten hours that there will be a security team awaiting you. Your belongings will be packed and sent to wherever Command places you. My final orders and words to you are to stay off the ship and to stay the hell out of my life. Know this, both the ship and I will be much, much better without you. You are dismissed from the bridge and my life."

For perhaps seven seconds there had been silence and Kirk saw how his whole body radiated fury and Spock just stood there with a trickle of green blood dripping from his lip before he said, "As you wish, Captain." then turned and walked to the turbolift where he paused and looked back at him, raised his right hand in that all so familiar way but said nothing and vanished with the closing of the doors.

Almost immediately after Spock had gone the second aide had left the bridge. At the time it had not been surprising as she had seemed very upset by what had happened but when a thorough scan of transmissions from the Enterprise was done when they arrived at Command it was clear she had left to make contact with those who had attacked Spock. There had been four transmissions back and forth. There had been six in the group she had contacted, all six had been captured and admitted not only that they had attacked Spock saying that it had all been the aide's plan. They were to get from Spock the code to gain access to the weaponry on the Enterprise but no matter what they did "the Vulcan said nothing".

He turned off the recording. They were going to make his ship into a bomb. He was going to have given them what they wanted. Even after what he had verbally and physically done to Spock before the crew Spock had contacted the four others who had been on the bridge and last spoken with Scotty to find the proof that he had been drugged or under the influence and they had. He had given Scotty the code to release the lock he had on the weapons. There had been those times on the bridge when the others could have interfered but he knew that he would only have lashed out at them too and clearly Spock had known and had stopped them but how? He thought back on how Spock had stood during his tirade and there had only been that one slight movement Spock had made, that slight movement of his left hand when he had stuck him. He had seen how they all had started to move but had all stopped when they saw that slight movement of his left hand. A gesture they knew meant to halt, that he would deal with the situation, and they were not to get involved.

Thee was a folded piece of paper on his desk where he usually had his coffee and he recognized McCoy's scrawl on it, "This is what they wanted."

When he looked at the message he realized it was in Scotty's writing and he felt an odd chill grip him. The code. The code had not been numerical but letters. JTKTHYLAS. He momentarily crossed his arms on his desk and rested his head on it. At all times Spock had been in control, had been protecting them, had been respecting him as his commanding officer and friend. "As you wish, Captain." Seeing him standing by the turbolift with this hand raised but not saying the words. Only seeing now how shattered his friend had been. Shattered by his words. He had to think about how to get him back. He had, as soon as he had gone to his quarters, still seething, sent that blasted communication to Command about Spock's insubordination, had filed a request for a new First Officer and a new Science Officer.

Although he knew his actions should ensure Spock could never return to the ship he was sure there had to be a way of getting him back, but first he had to see him, had to explain, and had to apologize. To see him he had to get off the ship. He started for the door then stopped. He would freshen up first. While everything in him was now wanting him to get to Spock he knew he would look disheveled and it would be apparent to the Vulcans from his face and hair that the had been overly emotional.

In the Transporter room he found a relieving officer and started for the pad, not seeing M'Benga till he felt a hypo against his arm. "McCoy's orders, Sir. You'll sleep for about thirty minutes by which time McCoy should have more information for you."

When he woke he was surprised to find himself in an unfamiliar room but relaxed when he saw McCoy there and was slightly unnerved to see Sarek also there. He gave McCoy a slight smile after he saw the slightest of nods. Briefly McCoy but a hand on his shoulder, "I'll be with the others, Jim." then helped him from the bed to a chair before leaving him with Sarek.

"Kirk, I have arranged, with the assistance of Doctor McCoy, for you and the four others who knew him so well, to see Spock before you leave. While I am aware that the other four have a close relationship with him it is my understanding that for many years you and my son shared a very special sort of relationship apart from being shipmates. It was my belief that you two were closer than many brothers, that you had, in fact, on several occasions referred to him as a brother. From what I heard and saw of your last encounter your actions did not show that to be true. I have also been told on many occasions you said he was the best First Officer in the Fleet, that you had total faith and trust in his decisions. If you had, in fact, had what Humans call friendship **you would have trusted him** and his decisions. Your actions in this instance also show that you did not have faith in his decisions. I was informed that at the time you were under the influence of an inhalant and not fully yourself yet surely if you had truly had such a strong friendship, and the human emotions related to such a relationship toward him, and if you truly trusted him you would have trusted his decision. It is because of what I feel toward Amanda that I have some understanding of what it is for a Vulcan to care deeply about a Human and it would be a great disservice to both Spock and Amanda if I did not allow you to see Spock before you leave."

In all the years he had known Sarek this was the longest conversation he had had with the man, "I appreciate that as I have a great deal to discuss with him and,"

Slowly, in almost a Human manner, Sarek shook his head then looked at him, into him, "You must know, Kirk, that the healers believe that he will remain in the state he is in for the rest of his life. It has been arranged that this evening, before you and your crew leave, another meld will be attempted to reach into his mind and that Doctor Leonard McCoy may watch the meld and remain on Vulcan for one hundred and eighty standard days while a routine is established for Spock's on-going care. The healers have stated that he will have more knowledge about treating Spock's unusual hybrid needs to sustain his life without the need for external assistance than they have ready access to."

 _"Before you and your crew leave", "Sustain his life without external assistance"_. Kirk searched Sarek's face for some sign it did not mean what he believed it to. He remembered how earlier Sarek had said _"would have"_ , and how he had said _"allow you to see Spock before you leave"_ not to talk with him. And McCoy had not asked him about leaving the Enterprise.

Still trying to fully decipher what Sarek had meant and stunned by what McCoy had obviously done without telling him Kirk slowly followed Sarek along a warren of corridors and into a room. There had been no pausing at the door, no chance to fully prepare himself for what he might see. Just for a moment he felt Sarek grip his arm as his legs almost gave way under him when he saw Spock. McCoy had said that Spock had been hurt and he had been prepared to see him badly bruised and possibly with a broken limb or two but nothing like what lay on the medical bed. The face was that of his friend but was badly bruised and a tube was assisting his breathing. The body. Momentarily he closed his eyes and shook his head, felt a hand grip his shoulder the way another hand with equally as long fingers so often had. It was Spock's body and was in traction with only a small sheet covering the pelvic area. A part of him hoped his friend was unaware of how exposed he was and also hoped that the mottled patterns that covered his body were not a reflection of the internal damage that would have been done. Another part of him was hearing and accepting that what Sarek had said was right, he should have trusted Spock. All this was his fault. He had sent him to be beaten to. No! The registers were low but Spock was alive..

He gradually became aware of a background noise and realized it was Sarek and the doctors conferring in Vulcan. Although he could not understand them he could tell it was not good, he could also tell they were talking about him from how two of the four doctors were looking at him. A part of him knew that no matter how much they were blaming him for it his own guilt was beyond measure. All those things he had said at Spock, the way he had said them. What he had done on the Enterprise had been bad enough but he had sent Spock to a waiting pack.

A waiting pack. What was it he had told Spock? A security team would be waiting for him. In the state he had been in and expecting a group. . . . No. He had been in no state to defend himself. The way the aide had so quickly left the bridge was obviously to alert the co-conspirators as they would still have had to time get the code to release the weapons from Spock and get it back to the aide. They would have had time to achieve their goal of make the Enterprise a bomb if they had managed to get the code. Spock would not have. . .

There was a pause in the background conversation and when Kirk looked over he saw the five Vulcans looking at him and only Sarek showed some slight indication of understanding his pain. Although Vulcans claimed not to have emotions he had been around one of Vulcan blood long enough to notice the slight indications of emotion about the eyes and he could see they all rightfully blamed him. He had sent Spock down alone to a pack who had clearly not got the information from him that they wanted. He had sent him.

Spock's last words confirmed it the order, "As you wish, Captain." Then it has seemed an acknowledgment of an order but was it more? _Wish_? Was that a sign that somehow Spock had understood that at the time he was not himself? For Spock to have said "wish" was, he shook his head, an indication to him that Spock was aware something was wrong. It was illogical and of all the beings he had met Spock was the least illogical one and yet it was not a word Spock would use. Spock was so careful with the words he used.

In four steps he could have been at the bedside. He could have gone to Spock and let him know he was there. A part of him wanted him to rush to the bed and let Spock know he was there, that he had not meant what he had said, and that somehow he would get him back to the ship, that things would get back to how they were. Another part of him wanted to run away from what he had done. Wanted to find an easy absolution for what he had done and a way to get through life without Spock.

He felt hand lightly and briefly touch his shoulder as " _without Spock, without Spock, without_ ," echoed in his mind. He turned his head and saw Sarek.

"We will talk privately now, Kirk." Sarek had escorted him from the room into a small room furnished by just a small table and two chairs yet all he was aware of was what the he had said so horridly to his friend and how he had then sent him to a waiting pack who had clearly tortured him, brutalized him. There was a jug of water and several small glasses. Although he was aware of seeing them he could not get the image of how Spock was, of what he had allowed Spock to leave the ship and face on his own. Almost out of habit he poured two glasses of water and was pushing the other glass across the table when he realized it was not Spock but Sarek.

Dimly he recalled that on the way to this room they had passed four of the senior crew going the other way. He looked at Sarek as he realized that they were going to see Spock as Sarek had taken him away from Spock. A briefly hand a gripped his upper arm, and brought him to this room.

"Kirk, I must apologize for stopping you when we passed the others. This is their turn to say their farewells to him. I will ensure that he is told that you went in, that you did stop by t see him. Knowing my son if there had been any awareness of your presence he would know that your silence was due to your sadness at what had happened and he will accept it. Know that he will receive the best of care. Should we not be able to establish a meld this time I will take him to the specialist on Vulcan and if they fail he will be taken to his home and I will arrange that he has constant care. His mother no doubt would insist on helping."

"Would, would I be able," even as he started to ask the question he knew the answer and saw it in the understanding look Sarek gave him as the Vulcan stood.

"It would be best for you to just get on with your life, Kirk. Try not to remember my son as you last saw him but as you first saw him and as you knew him. I will return shortly with the rest of your bridge crew. You may wait here while the others have their time with Spock." There was movement but Kirk just kept looking at the glass in his hands, "Ahhh, Doctor McCoy. I will come for you when the meld is to be attempted."

* * *

Hi! I know - lonnnnnnngggg. Needed it long to sort of set the stage: each player must have their time to matter. Enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

Dimllly Kirk was aware of McCoy being in the room, mainly because he had heard Sarek mention his name. All he was really aware of was how injured, how totally helpless Spock was.

"Best for you to just get on with your life, Kirk." the words echoed in Kirk's mind. There was typical total Vulcan logic to them. How like his father Spock was at times. That Vulcan way of being able to put events in the past and move on without any emotional display. If the man was like his son there would be a great deal of emotional turmoil being deal with by some part of that great mind, emotional turmoil nobody would ever know about.

"Remember him as you knew him." Knew. Past tense. How he longed to be able to get to those memories of Spock but all he could see were how Spock had looked before he had turned to leave the bridge, the subtle difference in how he had walked to the turbolift, and how he had looked on that bed. In one merged image he knew it was showing him how emotionally broken Spock was and the other was how physically broken he was. The connection, he knew, was what he had said and done to his best friend. How could Sarek talk about getting on with his life when Spock was such a vital part of his life? A vital part he had so brutally and cruelly shattered in front of those who also considered him a close friend.

A part of his mind dimly realized that another close friend of Spock's was standing just looking at him, a friend he did not wand to turn and face but knew he had to. At times, as he turned and looked at McCoy, Kirk realized that he had questions how such a friendship as the one that existed between the two could exist. He had often wondered if there had ever been two beings as different as those two with the depth of friendship he knew was between them.

Slowly he looked over at McCoy and about the blue eyes that seemed to see so deeply into him Kirk saw a blend of pity and understanding mixed with a deep barely controlled fury and the other emotions McCoy was clearly struggling to control. "Sir, right now I do not know what to say to you as I do not know not only how I feel and also I do not know if I know you. Despite all I have said to him over the years about being in too much control of his emotions, right now I envy how Spock was able to control and hide his emotions. You have no idea how grateful I am, at the moment, that somehow all those session with him have taught me some control. A part of me wants to physically attempt to beat some understanding into your thick head while another part of me wants to hold you, comfort you as it is clear that you only now realize that this," McCoy paused for a moment as he studied Kirk and knew he was reading the man's posture correctly, "this time you have hurt him far worse than the physical injuries inflicted by the Wacairns. Your actions and what you said and how you said it on the bridge not just in front of the visiting delegation but also senior bridge crew who consider Spock a friend more than just a senior officer damaged him to his core. Hell, you were not just content with those on the bridge hearing you destroying him in front of the bridge crew were you? You had to let the whole crew hear you did it."

For a moment McCoy was quiet, bowed his head, took a deep breath, then looked steadily back Kirk, "Now I can't speak for the actions of the rest of the bridge crew, Captain, but I have to inform yu that I have put in for six months leave from the Enterprise and been granted it so that I can observe and possibly help get Spock settled into what will be his new home, a specialist facility on Vulcan."

No. The word echoed in his mind. He had lost so much already, he could not lose McCoy. "No. I,"

The blue eyes caught a tell-tale sign the his friend and captain was about to protest and held up his hand, "Now before you even think of saying you won't allow it you best know, Captain, that by my declaring to be a medical specialist with regard to Spock, and the highest Vulcan healer agreeing, I am able to do so without my commanding officer's approval or risking my career in Star Fleet. Ambassador Sarek graciously helped me get through both the Federation's and Vulcan's maze of bureaucracy and ensured that I am to remain his chief surgeon and in charge of all medical matters and treatments."

Again McCoy was silent, saw a reluctant acceptance of the fact he was leaving the ship, that he had placed the care for Spock first, closed his eyes, shook his head as he knew that this was going to be the hardest thing that his friend and Captain would have to hear, When he looked again at Kirk there was a look about his friend he had never seen before but knew he could not allow himself to react to it. It was time for nothing but truth. No emotion just facts stated colmly and logically. For a moment he closed his eyes, gawd how he missed the one who had taught him how to talk like he had to now.

It took almost everything in him to open his eyes and look at his friend and Captain and ignore the deep torment and self-loathing he could see the man was in. "You must be informed that after what you said and did to the one being you so proudly and often had said was closer than a brother to you I feel I must personally tell you that I am not sure if I will return to the ship, the position on Vulcan caring for Spock has no time limit. As soon as you request it I am sure Command will find a relieving, possibly permanent replacement, Senior Medical Officer, for the Enterprise."

For a moment he paused as he saw Kirk was hearing him and understanding what was being said and clearly only just realizing the reaction of just one of his senior crew to what his words and actions had caused. "Captain, after seeing how, on the bridge in front of not just guests but senior bridge crew, people who considered you not only their captain but also a friend, you turned on and totally shattered the one you often said you would willingly die for, possibly the only being who cared so much, so deeply, so totally and loyally about you I really," he paused for a moment to make sure Kirk looked at him and that they looked each other in the eyes, "I really have to wonder when you will turn on me, on any of us, like that."

Shock seemed to numb Kirk as though he only just saw and realized how much he had really hurt his other friends for McCoy to openly say what he was saying. He started, "Bones, I,"

"Don't! Don't! Don't you dare!" An anger he felt threatening to control him welled up and McCoy took two steps closer to Kirk and just stared at him, " Don't you dare call me Bones! That was what the person, the friend, I knew as James Kirk, as Jim, called me. That James Kirk would have listened to Spock from the start. That James Kirk would have been on guard from when Spock told him shortly after the delegation came aboard to keep his distance from the Wacairn delegation, to keep his emotions in check, as that James Kirk would have known that Spock had sensed or seen something we did not. That James Kirk would have known that Spock was not one to let emotion rule logic, that Spock saw, or at least was aware of, what lay under the exterior. That James Kirk would have listened to Spock instead of his hormones. Now that James Kirk, I know, unquestioningly trusted that blasted Vulcan far more than any of us did a lot of the time yet that trust was never proven to be misplaced."

For a moment McCoy was quiet and James Kirk saw a strange, an almost alien look about McCoy's eyes and realized it was him just holding back his fury. "Oh my friend James Kirk and Spock may have debated what the other said or did but there was that special trust one is lucky to see once in a lifetime and even far, far more fortunate to have such trust. With you, Sir, there clearly was none of that trust so there is no way, absolutely no way in hell you are that James Kirk. You should know that that James Kirk would rather have died a million times in ways not imagined even in your worst night-mares than to ever, ever, have said or done to him what you did." He turned, headed for the door, paused, and looked back at Kirk, "Right now I do not want to be around you. I really feel I need some company but not with a total stranger." He opened the door, paused, and looked back silently at Kirk long enough to make Kirk really look at him, "Oh, should you see that James Kirk you might like to tell him that Spock will not be alone, you could tell him his friends are with him and are staying with him." then turned and closed the door behind him.

Once in the empty corridor McCoy walked to a bench along the hall, by the entry to the corridor to the room Spock was in. There was plenty more he had wanted to say to Kirk, there were things he would have wanted to know. He would have said what needed to be said. He was going to. He had had the words all mentally rehearsed and ready till he saw Kirk and remembered the scene on the bridge, had seen how his words, the anger and venom in them, had shattered Spock. What Kirk and the others clearly did not know was all those long hours that blasted Vulcan had spent in the labs running tests, doing research. How else would he have known for them to check for traces of the pollen and sap from the rare Wacairnian water-lily? He only knew because on four occasions when it was their usual sleeping and off-duty hours he had found Spock in one of the labs working and only saying he was looking for the answers.

He half-smiled as he remembered how Spock had looked at him that last time when he found the Science Officer studying some computer results. "Before you ask, Doctor, I have not found confirmation of what I suspect. I am certain that it is best that, at the moment, it is best if you know nothing about what I am doing and, to assist you with forgetting what you believe you see, there is a bottle on the table behind me that will be of assistance in doing so. You may wish to share it with Mister Scott as he will be needing some of it as I am certain he will be finding it difficult to decide when to release the weapons, when to free his bairns." When he had glanced at the bottle he realized it was a rare bottle of Kentucky bourbon. There had been that understanding look on the Vulcan's face when he looked back, the look that silenced his thanks. Slowly Spock had given a slight nod then turned back to the computer, "If you will excuse me, Doctor, I do have to find the physical proof of the partial hypotheses before I present them."

Alone. McCoy had said alone and that was how Kirk suddenly felt. He had had a vague sense of unease before but now knew it was a feeling of being alone, a feeling he had not felt since he had managed to get through the protective shell Spock had built around himself, since knowing Spock was always there for and with him. Now he really was alone. Did the others expect to do as Sarek suggested, to just get on with his life? Did they not know had no life without his other half?

It had not been all that unusual for the four of them to gather after hearings to hear what was going on, hear the opinions of the others. This time they had also been able to be of some comfort to one another just by being there. They had all been on the bridge when the Captain had raged at Spock for a logical action Spock had taken. Uhura did not know how the others had felt but she had found the request to see the weaponry display of the ship by the second aide unsettling at the start. She had understood Spock's actions and could not understand why the Captain had reacted as he had. Oh, she had seen him often enough trying to impress visiting female officers before and accepting when Spock had intervened but this, this had been totally unlike him in every way.

She had been listening to the others and trying to find something good about the whole situation when she had heard another familiar voice that had echoes of Spock's, "I mean no disservice by interrupting your conversation at such a time but I have been granted permission by the healers to take you and these four others to see Spock."

Without looking at the others but hearing their appreciative and hope filled gasps Uhura could tell they were as surprised as she was that something else had happened to Spock. As she remembered the way the second aide had suddenly left the bridge she turned and looked at Sarek. They would have had time to contact those at Command. Trying to remain calm she more said than ask, "He was attacked when he beamed down."

Even before he spoke she saw the answer. So many years of being able to detect that tell-tale flicker that crossed an oh-so familiar half-Vulcan face enabled her to detect the answer. Although so many Vulcans seemed inscrutable she had had years of studying this man's son and knew it was likely because of their familial similarities that she saw the truth. Sarek had looked directly at her, "My son had told me of how perceptive you are. It appears that there were those awaiting his arrival and attempted to make him tell them the codes for the Enterprise."

As they walked toward the room they had been told Spock was in the four senior officers had briefly occasionally glanced at one another before retreating into their memories of serving with and knowing Spock. Each thought it had been a most considerate action for it to be Sarek who had personally invited them to say their farewells. It seemed to be a shared realization that by his doing whatever he did to get them to see Spock that Command would have difficulty to refuse them leaving the ship.

McCoy met up with the four others just as Sarek walked them into the rom Spock was in. He watched as they each reacted to seeing how Spock was then at one another and was aware when they looked at him that they were thinking as that non-doctor part of him thinking. Typically it was Uhura who turned and looked at Sarek, "May we be excused for five minutes to go to the Enterprise and return?"

Sarek's reaction would have been considered unusual by Vulcans but Uhura knew that the man had a Human wife and would have encountered many of the human idiosyncracies. He simply slightly nodded his head, "That will be acceptable. I was about to inquire when you, Doctor McCoy, would be available to assist with the final attempt of a meld with my son however it,"

"No, no, I do not need to return to the ship, especially if I can be of assistance here." McCoy looked at the others and saw their slight nods of understanding.

After the four had left Sarek beckoned for McCoy to move closer. There was already an older woman standing by the bed Spock was on and as he walked closer McCoy was aware he was being studied. He had met the woman when he had first been allowed in to see Spock and had fully explained his prognosis fully explained and knew that she was who he would have to deal with should Spock have to remain. Just for a moment he closed his eyes as he knew even with being given time to stay with him initially should Spock have to stay that there would be a time when he would have to leave him. The thought of leaving him was bad enough but what made it even worse was knowing how Spock had said even as a child he had been treated not as a patient but as a specimen to study. When he looked again at the woman he saw understanding about her eyes.

"When the others return they will be allowed in. You need not be concerned, McCoy son of David. Should the meld not be successful it has been arranged for Spock, son of Sarek, to be cared for by healers and not treated as he was treated before. His father informed us of some of your findings which fulfilled our curiosity as to how his biology would react in different conditions. This is our final meld to see if there is any part of his mind we can reach. As you know all of our findings so far have revealed only those parts of his being needed to sustain life are functioning." McCoy had wanted to look at Sarek but maintained eye contact with the healer. It had not surprised him that Sarek had shared the information and he had been somewha selective about what he sent. Shortly after their first encounter he had asked Spock permission to share anything that might be of advancement to medical knowledge on Vulcan to his father to decide if it would be of use and, despite the strained relationship he later discovered there to be between Spock and his father, Spock had consented.

Slowly McCoy moved to the side and watched as Sarek walked up to the table then as both Sarek and the healer put their fingers on those points known only to Vulcans and closed their eyes. There was, as he stood watching the events, what he would almost have sworn was a desperation about the way their postures changed as they slowly moved their fingers. He was also aware that a part of his own being was praying to all of the known and unknown gods to be with that special being no matter what the outcome was to be.

McCoy was only just aware the other four walked in almost as the healer and Sarek turned from the bed. From the way Sarek hesiated McCoy could tell that the door opening after the four had come in meant somebody else had entered and he was sure he knew who it would be. It took everything in him not the scream at the healer and Sarek to try again as Sarek slowly shook his head, "He is,"

" **Don't**! Don't you dare give up on him like that! **He is there**. We know he is there. He just needs help to remember what he is leaving, what he has to come back to, **who** he has to come back to." Uhura stepped closer to the bed and there was no mistaking the challenge in her eyes as she looked first at the healer then at Sarek. "He is your son, Sir, but he is also like a brother to us. He is your son by Vulcan blood but he also has blood from his Human mother, Human blood like we have."

Chekov walked up to the still form and placed carefully on one of the the long-fingered hands before covering it with the other an item that McCoy tried to recall. "Sir, I know how contemplative you are yet how relaxed you were when the living tribbles were aboard. I remember seeing you standing behind Uhura stroking one as you contemplated their purpose. I saw their purpose, Sir, was to help you relax as I remember you telling me that a relaxed mind is a controlled mind and a controlled mind leads to peace which leads to logical thought. It is only a replica tribble but I thought it would help you make a logical decision."

Sulu walked up and reached out holding a small purple flower by Spock's nose, "That fifth method we tried showed some hope and remembering what you had said about vegetation on Vulcan I made a few modifications and yesterday noticed eight of these were blooming. It does have a distinctive aroma but I am not sure if it is the aroma that that Vulcan plant would have. Also the scent seems to change wien in contact with the skin. You said it was an ancient Vulcan healing plant used as an inhalant that was on the extremely endangered so I only brought two of the flowers for you to smell."

"Ahhh, laddie, I think I finally got the blending right," Scotty walked up to the bed, took a small bottle from his pocket and moistened the tip of his index finger then gently rubbed it around Spock's lips, "for ye with that Vulcan healing tea and a wee drop of some Nevis I've been keeping. I do nae think there be enough alcohol to upset ye and ye may find the taste a wee bit interesting as I've nae heard of them combined before and know a drop of Nevis can help the body."

Uhura reached out and momentarily placed her hand on Spock's forehead, "I have nothing physical to give you, my friend, but I will remind you that you promised not to leave me until you taught me that song your mother used to sing to you about not being alone. You've never broken a promise." gently she touched the side of Spock's face and softly sang, "There are more discoveries we have yet to share, I do not want to find them without you there. You do not walk behind nor ahead of me as we go along, As at each other's side is where we belong."

McCoy slowly walked up to stand silently by the bed for a moment just looking down at his friend. "I guess, Spock, that your deciding not to come back to us would be a logical thing. After all the time you have spent constantly and precisely correcting us, all those times you made us think logically, and all those times you made us stop, just plain old stop and appreciate the beauty all around us while you silently accepted how frustrating emotional we are. Just know, my friend, that without you on the ship to challenge us we will stagnate and merely exist."

"Mister Spock, Doctor McCoy is wrong there as I could not serve under the Keptin without you there. The ship vould not be the same without you."

"I am with Chekov, Sir. I can understand it is difficult for you to decide what to do as I know it was difficult to make my decision as to what to do if you leave us. Without you there with us to encourage us and remind us how no living thing is truly perfect it would be unbearable. After what the Captain did we would most likely all wonder who he would turn on like that next."

"Sulu's right, laddie, as is Chekov. Without you aboard it would nae be the same ship. Oh, she would still be a fine ship and me bairns would still need caring for but it would nae be the same ship and I would nae wish to be on it. There be plenty of other ships any of us would be welcomed aboard."

"Should you decide not to come back to us I will accept that post you have arranged for Starfleet to keep open for me as a Communications Training specialist. I could not bear to be on that bridge with him not knowing when he would turn on us as he turned on you."

McCoy stood in silence for some time just looking at the others, only just glancing at Kirk, then down at the one they all knew was more than just a fellow officer on the same ship. How almost human his friend looked holding that imitation tribble yet oddly ridiculous with those flowers blow his nostrils. no doubt Spock would find it all undignified. As he had looked at each of the other senior crew present he had recalled times when that blasted Vulcan had shown by his actions that to him they were more than just fellow officers. "Well, Spock, looks like you got a full house. Oh, I know Jim was not in his right mind when he ranted as he did at you. I know the effects of those drugs on the human brain and might be able to forgive him that. What I cannot forget nor forgive is that when presented with the proof of what had happened to him he not only did not ask where you were but also made no attempt to find you and publicly apologize for what he had said and how he had enabled so many to hear it. He knows that I'll be staying with you for as long as I am allowed on Vulcan. Doctor M'Benga can take over my position on the ship." Momentarily he looked up and across the still form to look Kirk directly in the eyes, "I'm sure the Captain will be able to get a new bridge crew with no trouble."

While what the others had said about their plans and him had greatly upset him, Jim Kirk was more shocked into reality by what McCoy had said and the emotions he saw in the blue eyes that seemed to reach into him and inflame the guilt and shame he had felt since he walking into Spock's empty quarters. Those empty quarters seemed to reflect the emptiness he had denied feeling since Spock had walked off the bridge.

" _A new bridge crew_." Echoed in Kirk's mind as he looked individually at the others. A part of him wanted to protest, wanted to say they had no right to change ships, while he knew they had every right to move on, especially after how he had behaved. They had an enviable reputation within the Federation as being the best crew, of having an unshakeable loyalty to one another. They had shown their loyalty to that special being on the bed just as that being had shown his loyalty to them and to him. Loyalty to him that had cost so much.

There was almost an electrical charge in the room as the six watched how the healer slowly raised her hand when Sarek took a step toward the bed Spock was on. The charge followed by a faint, strangled, "No. Jim. Not alone. No."


	3. Chapter 3

Just for a moment before the healer had moved the five had glanced at each other as they had been watching Spock and each thought they had seen something. Chekov was certain he had seen slight movements of Spock's fingers as though trying to grip the replica tribble. Sulu was sure that he had seen a slight almost human twitching of Spock's nose. Scotty could have sworn he saw Spock try to lick his lips. Uhura knew she had seen that familiar momentary slight narrowing of the distance between the eyebrows that her friend did when searching his memory in times of what he termed physical discomfort. And McCoy had been about to look at the others as he had noticed a very slight change in Spock's breathing seconds before the healer had raised her hand.

As soon as Spock had said the second "no" the six raced to the bed and while Kirk wanted to firmly grip one of those long-fingered hands he gently took hold of the nearest hand fully aware it had been damaged, damaged because of him. Kirk did not want to think of the damage the light sheet hid from view as he knew he was responsible for it. All of this was his fault. That Spock would think of him and not want him to be alone was almost more than he could cope with when coupled with the guilt of knowing he had so deeply hurt the one being who meant more to him than he could ever fully express. Remembering how his friend could tell so much for a touch he started to almost plead for his forgiveness and for an opportunity to prove how sorry he was for all he had caused. He let Spock know he was going to stay with him till he was told by him to leave. A part of his mind was registering what was happening around him but his concern was for that special person whose hand he held.

"This is not from the meld. I was aware of no active consciousness in the meld, only the minimal activity of the systems to maintain life." The woman healer looked at Spock for a moment then at Sarek who gave a barely perceptible nod as it was clear that he too was mystified before she looked at Kirk and he sensed her momentary bewilderment and a touch of that Vulcan insatiable curiosity he was so familiar with. "Is this a Human treatment and reaction? Is it customary?"

"Madam, I apologize and must admit that I am not as knowledgeable as Doctor McCoy is with regard to Human medical treatments. Perhaps he can tell you more." Kirk unconsciously lightly rubbed the back of Spock's hand that rested in his own hand with his thumb and was aware of how the healer glanced at his hand. "I am only aware that often, with Humans, there is an awareness, even when one is seriously injured, by the patient that somebody who cared about them is holding their hand."

The healer gave a slight nod and then looked at McCoy, "I ask you, Doctor McCoy, if the actions of the four others are customary treatments by those who are non-medically trained yet with an obvious attachment to and familiarity with the patient are customary?"

"Healer T'Rayan, I have found that within the Human species there are seemingly endless treatments of patients both by the medically trained and by those with close emotional connections with the patient. I am sure each of my friends and fellow officers had their own reasons for their actions, for their way of trying to reach Spock to let him know not only that he was not alone but also what he means to them."

"Have you, yourself, Doctor Leonard McCoy, used such methods?"

McCoy looked steadily first at Kirk and then the others before looking back at the healer, "Although I have, on occasion, held the hand of a patient I have, as far as I can recall, ever used the methods used by the others."

For a moment there was silence as the healer kept looking at McCoy before Scotty took a step closer to the bed Spock was on and spoke up, "I've worked with Mister Spock for many a year and he and I would often debate the differences between Vulcan teas and the whiskey of my homeland on old Earth. We even joked that it would be fascinating to find a balance in blending the two for medicianl purposes. Knowing his insatiable need to find an answer I thought he may like to taste what I found. I knew he could nae, even in good health, deal with the Nevis as it is meant so I lessened the alcohol content. It may nae be logical but I thought the lad may like ta know."

"That's why I brought him the flowers." Sulu stepped forward and glanced briefly at his Vulcan friend before looking at the healer, "He had told me of how extremely rare the plants were, how few were known to still exist on Vulcan and was surprised when I got the four seeds I found while on a hike we went on during a shore leave on Vulcan germinated and grew. I do not think either of us thought any of them would grow and we were both pleased when they did. He said it was highly unlikely that they would flower so when I saw eight blooms I thought he might like to know they bloomed and what the flowers smell like. In his name I am gifting the Vulcan healers five of the plants, two to Spock's parents, and the remaining one will be in my quarters awaiting his return to the ship. I thought he would like to know they survived and bloomed and what their scent is."

Chekov stepped forward, "I saw how he was calmed by the tribbles before and if he could feel something like them he would relax and get into that Wulan healing trance Doctor McCoy said he needed to get into."

Uhura walked up to the bed, looked down at Spock, briefly touched his cheek, then looked from Kirk, to McCoy, and then at the healer, "We were concentrating on his memories, his interest, his likes, and his senses. We did not think of his brilliantly logical Vulcan mind but of his Human mind that is fed the joys of life through his senses. We could not do his sight but we could attempt to reach him through touch, smell, taste, and sound." For a moment she looked at McCoy then at Spock before looking back at the healer, "I think Doctor McCoy tried to reach him through his sense of awareness."

The healer looked at McCoy and it was all he could do to just look back at her and not say what he wanted to say about sometimes the old ways, the tactile and very basic ways of almost all known mammals, often beat all the modern and alien ways hands down when it came to treating other mammals. He could not be sure but for a moment he was sure he had seen a familiar indication of questioning about her face as he was sure he had seen an all too familiar slight lifting of her eyebrows. "I guess in a way I did try to reach him hoping he would react if he knew we all would all leave the ship if he is not aboard. I have seen all that he has done to protect and serve Captain Kirk over the years, I have seen the friendship they have grow, I have seen how they compliment one another and together form an unbeatable team, and I had to let him know that if he could not go back to the ship it would not be the same ship. I wanted to let him know that without him there it would not be a ship I would not want to be on, a," McCoy quickly looked at the other four then back at the healer, "a ship that none of us would want to be on."

For a few seconds, that to Kirk seemed to stretch onto minutes, the healer just looked at McCoy before looking at the others, lingering long enough when she was looking at him that Kirk was sure she was seeing into the depths of his being, then briefly down at Spock before looking back at McCoy. "Doctor Leonard McCoy, I have, over the period of time we have spent together, found you to be a most proficient and competent doctor. I now see that element of your character you were shielding from us, your emotions concerning Spock, son of Sarek. For there to be such an improvement in his condition in the manner and short time period involved I am certain it is because he is aware of not only your emotions concerning him but also those of these four others. He would also be more acutely aware of Captain James Kirk's truth about their relationship. It is clear he will recover but to what extent and as to how he will be afterwards is something that cannot be known at the moment. Know that should he ask for shelter on Vulcan he will be granted it."

Frantically Kirk tried to remember what Spock had once said about being granted shelter by the Vulcan healers as he saw how McCoy had briefly looked at him before looking back at the healer and saying, "Understood and I agree it would be best for him should he fully recover and ask for it."

A near indescribable fear seemed to seize Kirk and fill him with a deep dread as he remembered what Spock had said being granted shelter meant, selected isolation. If Spock asked for shelter on Vulcan he would be able to see friends and family but there would always be a Vulcan guard in the room and there would be no physical contact. It was all he could do not to scream out a "No." but he knew he had done this to his friend, he had caused all this to happen. He knew he had no right to have any influence on Spock after what he had done to,

"Jim." It seemed that soft voice seemed to unite all there to turn as one and look at Spock who still lay as he had but whose fingers moved very slowly in an obvious attempt to grip Kirk's hand.

"I'm right here, Spock. I'm right here. You rest. I," Kirk briefly looked at the healer and Sarek then back at Spock, "am staying right here till you tell me to go." For a few moments there was just the fingers resting in his hand and then Kirk felt them again try to grip and he could tell, from their reactions, that the others had seen some movement in those long fingers. Carefully, gently he placed his other hand on top of Spock's, "I'm staying right here till you tell me to leave you." Again there was a very slight movement of the long fingers as though trying to reassure him he knew and understood.

Kirk was aware of his deep inner conflict and was sickened knowing that Spock was likely to be able to detect the confusion cacophony that conflict was causing. Just for a moment he thought of pulling his hand away but felt a brief attempt at a possible reassuring and understanding grip from those long fingers. From somewhere in the depths of his mind came a partial quote about when a person makes a fool of themself a real friend reassures them they have not make a permanent mistake. As usual Spock had shown he was a real friend. Another slight grip. Gently Kirk squeezed the fingers and thought of all they had to talk about later, how for now Spock needed to rest.

"Well, I think we should leave them for a time, go have a good meal, and get some rest." McCoy spoke as he looked at the four others then at Sarek, "Would you care to join us, Sir?"

"I thank you for the invitation, Doctor McCoy, however I shall wait with Captain Kirk and my son and later he and I will eat. Should there be any change you will be contacted immediately. If you wish to be present for his final medical assessment, I shall ensure you area allowed to be present. I will also ensure that Captain Kirk is well rested."

McCoy nodded, "We will be all rest better now that it seems Spock will live. If it is allowed we will return tomorrow."

Sarek looked at the four who stood waiting for McCoy and then at Kirk before looking at the healer who looked back at him them over at the five awaiting the decision. Unconsciously McCoy bit his bottom lip knowing that this was a full Vucan, a Vulcan healer of all Vulcan, studying them, most likely knowing what they were thinking and feeling. Over the time he had spent with her discussing Spock's treatment on the ship he had seen a few glimpses beneath that stoic exterior. He saw the slightest of an upturn in the right corner of her lips and knew the answer before she gave the slightest of nods, "You will all be allowed to return tomorrow."

McCoy looked at the healer, "I, we thank you for allowing us to return."

"It is I who should thank you, Doctor Leonard McCoy, for you have given me great insight into not only Human medical methods but also Human nature as well. I admit that that drink you allowed me to taste was not unpleasant but is not really suited for Vulcan physiology, I am thankful you accepted that. Be assured if there is any change in his condition you will be contacted immediately. Rest well."

"Thank you. We will."

After the others had left Kirk was aware of Sarek first talking with the healer before the healer left and Sarek brought him a chair to sit in. A young Vulcan walked in carrying a small try that he handed to Sarek and left. Before Kirk could say what he wanted to say, to express his thanks, Sarek held up a hand to silence him, "You are aware, Kirk, that I am married to a Human so I have much more understanding of Humans and their needs than most Vulcans. As it is clear you intend to remain with my son you will need a seat as Humans tend to tire more than Vulcans. You will also need nourishment if you are to stay all night with my son. As I know you would summon assistance should my son need it I will leave you with him and I will return in, in Earth time, seven hours.

"Spock will be assessed in eight hours. Should he be declared fit and wish to remain on Vulcan that will be arranged. Should he desire to, and be fit enough for transfer to Doctor McCoy's administrations then his care will he transferred strictly to Doctor McCoy's care." Sarek started to leave then turned and looked at Kirk, "As I believe you are already aware of my son's feelings towards you I think you should know that when Healer T'Rayan and I first tried to reach his mind all we encountered was him wanting to know your condition and called you his t'hy'la. Although I have, since our meeting on your ship on route to Babel, been aware of his feelings toward the crew, especially the five who have left, and most particularly you. The actions of the others and your actions since learning the truth of what had happened to not only yourself and your exposure to substances that altered your thinking but also to Spock have proven that my son is correct in his choice of friends and wise in calling you his t'hy'la."

Once Sarek had gone Kirk stood for a few minutes as the impact and shock of fully realizing what Sarek had said and revealed eased. After all he had said and done to him on the deck in front of others and with so many others able to hear those damnable words Spock still thought of him so highly. Silently he closed his eyes and thanked all the known and unknown gods for allowing him the chance for a second chance to salvage the friendship he had with the special being whose left hand was resting between his two hands. He remembered how he felt when he saw the recording of what had taken place on the bridge, of what he had said and how Spock had just stood there and then left. He had felt an all-consuming anger at what the drugs had made him say, coupled with a bearably controlled fury and disgust with himself for not listening to Spock and for treating him has he had. When he had been shown the recording at the hearing, when he had actually seen and heard how he had been and what he had said, he had fought to maintain control of himself. He had wanted to bolt from the hearing and find Spock to beg for forgiveness, had wanted to somehow disappear into some other version of hell, and had internally struggled to keep breathing.

The fingers moved in his hand, a weak attempt to grip his hand. "Jim. No. Don't. Not at fault."

"No, Spock. I am responsible for,"

The fingers again tightened on his hand, "No. Drugs too strong. Not you. Stay."

"I said I would stay till you tell me to leave. I am going to be right here. You need to rest."

"Others."

"They have gone to rest up and will be back tomorrow to see you."

"McCoy tired."

"I think Scotty has something to help McCoy sleep."

"A certainty. Talk tomorrow."

"Yes. You rest and heal. I will be right here and we will talk tomorrow."

"All talk."

"They will be here. I'll stay here. Your father left me a chair I can comfortably rest in. You rest."

Another grip, Kirk could feel the strength returning slowly, "As ordered. Tomorrow."

"We will talk more tomorrow, Spock. You just rest. I'll be right here."

In the cafeteria the five had enjoyed a meal and the type of conversations old friends fall into. Each expressing their relief at Spock being alive and possibly returning to the ship. There was the old friendly and relaxed atmosphere they were used to yet each was aware of a hint of uncertainty. McCoy had sat and listened to them, stared for a moment into the half-full cup of coffee he was slowly nursing, and then looked steadily at each of his friends as they looked at him. "While I am curious, like all of you, as to how Command would have reacted had we all just left as we planned to I am more curious as to how Spock will be. I will be way more relaxed when I know for certain that his reaction to Jim being there came from recalled memories and not just having heard his voice and knowing he was there. Heaven help me but I won't be fully relaxed till I know that his reaction was one based on logic and not emotion."

"That healer seemed to know a wee thing or two. That lass knew our lad too well."

"She was highly knowledgeable about Spock as she is one of the few healers that not only did Amanda and Sarek agree could watch Spock from infancy and one of the very few that Spock trusts. Sarek will pass on to her any medical information I send them as to treatments I have used on Spock."

"She did really stare at the tribble. I thought she vould not allow it."

"While she examined the flowers Sulu left and set them aside I noticed that she held onto the tribble and that she would stroke it with her thumb from time to time and then very gently put it back in Spock's hand. I was not sure if I had seen what I thought was his fingers tighten on it but clearly she did as, when I looked at her, I saw her left eyebrow slightly arched more than usual."

"I, I thought that she had nodded at me when I said about the flowers and giving some plants to them but was not sure."

"I've a feeling that she will not only take great care of them but also analyze some of them scientifically and sample a tea made from them as I am aware of how a fair amount of Vulcan medicine is herbal in nature which seems almost at odds with a planet like Vulcan with so little in natural vegetation."

For a moment Uhura was quiet as the others looked at her then nodded and looked at all of then then just at McCoy, "I was sure I would be thrown out for my outburst. It was just how they were treating him as though he was not there, as though some part of him was not aware and they were full Vulcans."

McCoy smiled at her, "Your daring to challenge them was something that she said she admired. Said it showed loyalty to a friend despite the circumstances and with total disregard of the judgements of others. She also would like to hear the rest of the song you started to sing."

He finished his coffee then looked at the four, "I think we should all try to get some sleep so that we will be ready for whatever tomorrow brings. I have no doubt that we will be summoned early as he is to be assessed early. I do not think we should waste time thinking of what he calls the Human what-ifs." Slowly he stood, looked at each of them, and said, "Sleep well, all of you."

Almost as one they said, "You too." before standing and going to the rooms set aside for them. Each saying a silent prayer to their god or gods for the safe return of their friend as well as knowing that should he not return to their ship that they would not return either. None of them, as they drifted off to sleep, realizing how they were so much closer to one another than not only most senior bridge crews but also so many blood-related families.

Kirk was not sure when during the night he had drifted off to sleep but he woke to the aroma of coffee and opened his eyes to see Sarek standing before him holding out a mug. Before he reached for the mug he glanced at Spock and was relieved to see the rhythmic raise and fall of his chest. He looked back at the mug and Sarek and just for a moment he was about to ask how the Vulcan knew then remembered that Spock's mother was Human and did like coffee. "Thank you."

"I thought you might require some liquid refreshment before getting ready for what is to come. Healer T'Rayan will be here shortly."

"Do you think,"

"Kirk, while you slept Healer T'Rayan came down and noticed a great improvement in my son. She also noticed that even in his sleep he held your hand. I believe that if she can be assured of the medical facilities on the Enterprise being able to deal with any of the possible negative developments in his recovery she will release him to the care of Doctor McCoy."

"Would taking her on a tour of our medical facilities on the Enterprise as well as being able to meet our senior medical officers be of assistance?"

What Kirk knew was the start and quick halting of a smile on a Vulcan face and he knew he saw that on Sarek's before the man said, "I am certain Healer T'Rayan would find that of assistance in making her decision as I am unaware of her ever being on a starship, let alone one with all that the Enterprise is equipt with."

"I would be honored to take her on a dour and I am sure Doctor McCoy would be delighted to show her whatever she would want to see."

"I shall inform her of your offer. There is a small room just over there," Kirk looked in the direction Sarek had indicated and saw a door, "is a room in which you might like to, I believe the expression is freshen up. Now, if you will excuse me, Kirk, I shall go and get the others."

Gently Kirk pulled his hand free from Spock's after he had finished the coffee, briefly put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I'll be right back, Spock. Just going to get a bit presentable before Healer T'Rayan."

When he re-entered the room he saw Healer T'Rayan with her hand on Spock's face in points he recognized as those used in a meld and Sarek standing at her side. For the briefest of moments Sarek looked up and Kirk saw the very slight nod of acknowledgment then a decidedly more pronounced nod before Sarek looked and nodded to one aide, who quickly left, and then back at his son. For just a moment he closed his eyes and thanked all the known gods for their help as well as that stubborn streak he knew only too well existed in that body on the platform bed.

If there were such a thing as a silent, respectful stampede then Kirk knew it would be how to describe how the other five arrived. He wondered if the aide had been in fear for his life having the five of them almost chasing him into the room. Quietly they approached and stood beside him. Although he knew that the full Vulcans would say it was illogical Kirk knew that there was a current of union there, a current uniting them with that being under the long fingers of the healer. At least he thought they would think it illogical until both the healer and Sarek looked at them after looking at one another. Spock seemed to momentarily stiffen then totally relax and again the healer looked at Sarek before looking at Kirk. Only after years of studying a face many said gave nothing away could Kirk see the amazement about the eyes of the healer as she looked at him then the others before back at him.

"Spock, son of Sarek, will recover but he will require time and assistance. He is aware you are with him and have stayed with him. He is aware of the others being here and desires to rejoin you and them. He will rest and prepare to meet you while you have a meal. We will bring him to you later."

An aide took them to a room where a small buffet had been prepared and although they noticed the lack of any meat there was an array of fresh fruit and vegetables. It was obvious to him, when Doctor McCoy looked around the plates of the others that they were aware he would be ensuring that they all ate something. He was pleased to see that they all were trying some of the Vulcan fruits. There was a friendly silence in the room as each thought of how they felt knowing their friend wanted to return, knowing that somehow that special bond that linked them not only to him but to each other was still there, still as strong.

Kirk looked at each of his friends and said, "Before Spock gets here I want, no, I need to apolo,"

"Ye have nae need to apologize ta us, Captain." He saw the truth and agreement on the faces of the others when he looked around then back at his Chief Engineer, "We are Human and know what drugs and attraction does to our thinking. Now the lad, for all he may know about ye, still had nae real kin about Human emotions, especially with hormones and drugs as well. It is the lad who will need you and your time when he comes back."

As he saw the looks they were giving him Kirk nodded and again looked at each of his friends and crew before he said, "Then I want to thank you all for your understanding. I also must tell you I heard what you said to him and I would have understood you not wanting to remain on the ship without Spock being there. To tell the truth I am not sure I would have been able to be back on the ship without him there."

A relaxed friendly silence filled the room while they finished their meals and coffee. It was almost how it was in the rec rooms on the Enterprise when they would meet there, with the very noticeable absence of why they were there. Although they all knew it existed on some level they also knew it was something they seldom talked about as though afraid to admit it existed would cause it to cease to exist. For now, for them, these few minutes alone in this space, reaffirmed them as a family by choice and not blood. They were a family who almost lost a member of that family, a near loss that tested the strength of that family bond. Tested it and found it still strong.

As Healer T'Rayan walked in with Spock and Sarek right behind her the six stood as one. When they stopped before them it was Kirk who first spoke, "Healer T'Rayan, if you would like to reassure yourself as to the standards that Doctor McCoy insists on maintaining in the medical areas, be it Sickbay or the emergency medical care areas, aboard the ship I am sure he would be pleased to take you on a tour."

When the healer looked at him McCoy nodded, "I would be honored to show you the facilities, Healer T-Rayan."

"Thank you. That would be most kind. I look forward to it. I shall await you, Doctor McCoy, informing me as to when you will be available to do so. Spock, son of Sarak, are you ready to return to the Enterprise as its First Officer under the medical conditions we have discussed?"

"I am ready although I am unsure if I will remain aboard the Enterprise as Captain Kirk would have communicated with Strarfleet Command that I was no longer to serve on the ship."

It was like a slap as Kirk had all but forgotten how he had filed in the discharge form there on the bridge. He remembered he had been so furious at the time he had, as soon as Spock had left the bridge, gone to Uhura's sation and filed the form and requested a new First Officer and a new Science Officer.

"You are correct, Mister Spock," Uhura stepped forward and looked from Spock, briefly back at Kirk, then at Spock, he would have but it was never sent to Command."

An eyebrow arched and Spock looked at Kirk who lookedback at him then at Uhura, "Never sent? But I, "

"I watched you, Sir, and you did not double click on the send. That message will still be in the computer awaiting either deletion or alteration before sending. It is a slight modification I installed some time ago."

Kirk saw what he knew was as close to a broad smile as Spock would allow in the presence of his father as Spock looked at Uhura and gave her a slight nod.

"It seems, Miser Spock, that you are still my First Officer and my Chief Science Officer. Are you ready to return to your duties and the ship under my command?"

"Yes, Sir."

McCoy turned and looked at the healer, "Healer T'Rayan, I will look forward to seeing you aboard the Enterprise in three standard hours to take you an a tour of all the medical facilities and the Sickbay aboard the ship."

"That will be acceptable."

SulU took a step forward, "If I may, Healer T'Rayan, I would like to present to you those Vulcan plants that I mentioned earlier."

"That will be acceptable. Would it be permissible for me to bring, to receive the plants, one of our leading horticultural scientists who specializes in herbal medicine?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then I look forward to being on the Enterprise in three standard hours." She turned and looked at Spock, slowly raising her hand as she said, "Your comrades are beings of great character and morals. Live long and prosper, Spock, son of Sarek."

Spock returned the salute, "Live long and prosper, Healer T'Rayan."

Once they had beamed aboard the Enterprise together and the engineer who had beamed them aboard had left the room Spock looked at the six in silence for a moment. Later, in private, he knew he would speak with each one of them as they had revealed so openly what he had thought existed, they had risked so much and he found he fully understood their actions. Their actions were, he knew, based not on logic but something very Human. He carefully thought through what he wanted to say, "Before we leave here I wish to tha,"

There was a barely noticeable shift in the posture of his six Human friends as Uhura walked up to him and gently but quickly placed two fingers on his lips. "Don't you dare think of thanking us for you are the one who told us all that one does not thank another for performing an action that was highly logical and, Spock, all of our actions were highly logical."

END

That's that one - will try to get the others done faster it is just life at the moment is a real exercise akin to trying to ski up an avalanche. Enjoy and have fun.


End file.
